Anna Parker
Anna Parker aka incurable.rager, leidet seit 2017 an ME/CFS und entwickelte nach der Geburt ihrer Tochter im Jahr 2020 eine schwere Form der Krankheit.
„Wenn sich meine Trauer unerträglich anfühlt, verarbeite ich sie oft mit Worten. Einige der weniger chaotischen Gedichte werfe ich gerne in den leeren Raum, falls es dabei hilft, das Leid eines anderen in Worte zu fassen.“
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Gedichte
2020–2023
Mecfs/Soul Sucker:
Inescapable
Unrelenting
To cage an unwelcome beast in my ribs
It naws sucks and howls
To trap confine isolate a host
A complete lack of symbiosis
It is raw destruction unquenchable greed
Devouring potential curiosity delight
Hollowing to desperation clawed survival
Incapable organs remain
I am all consumed
Left to indistinct shadow
Chronic irreversible:
I wish I could describe the set-apartness.
The separate plane I subsist from.
Running, constant, incessant diagnostics.
Counting the ever building cost: of existing.
The price my body and mind pay for operating
a micro-cosim of survival.
Never, ever, ever, catching up.
The weight is endless, in my limbs and soul.
There is no respite.
It is being sentenced to a world behind a
plexiglass wall: an isolation in full view of life
missed.
I’m sick of being sick.
Time to move on.
I’ve explored every inch of this experience,
and it’s simply not for me, not long term
anyways.
I think I’ve given it a solid run, but my
resources are exhausted, my relationships are
strained, and my mental health is in taters. To
preserve myself, I think I have to give it up.
I mean, I may have gained some coping skills,
and possibly an increase in empathy. On the
whole though, I chock it up to a colossal
waste of time.
I’m actually not entirely sure what other people
get out of chronic illness, but in all honesty, it’s
a bit tedious for me.
What I’ll do next? Well, anything but that,
really.